What would that be called?

how deep can we track into our own subconscious desires/motives. how far into ourselves can we reach. who in the psychology world could answer that? I believe everything in my present life is a result of a subconscious effort to guide my physical self in the direction it wanted me to go in. I believe that I forced my former lover into the arms of another person to care for her because I would not be strong enough without that behind me to achieve my dreams. i ran from marriage because my father never achieved his personal career ambitions due to sacrifices and comfort he created with family. So to achieve my own success, i was forced to go against what i knew would make me happy in order to achieve on paper. i believe my subconscious guided me through all of those decision making then and now. do you ever feel like you have something in you that drives you, something that you cannot control nor deter? what would that be called?